W.A.L.T- use paragraphs in my narrative to sequence and organise my ideas logically.
W.A.L.T-write a modern day fairy tale with messages/morals that are important for today's children.
W.A.L.T- use surface features in a well structured piece of writing.Bob got off his meaty smelling bed and staggered towards the dog flap. He REALLY needed to pee. It was probably the whiskey he'd drunk with Bert yesterday. Bobs paws stung with pain because of all the weight he was carrying on his bony legs. His tummy swayed around and it was making him look like a pregnant bulldog. Bob squatted above the ground. He kicked grass and dirt on top of the yellow liquid and staggered back up to his dog flap. He flopped onto the floor inside the house and stumbled into Bert's room. Bob jumped up and nipped Bert's hand.
"Bob!" yelled Bert.
Bob gave Bert the evils.
"Okay then" Bert sighed.
"Where d'ya wanna go? Burger King, Soyo, or Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Bob growled. Bert groaned.
"FINE. But this is the last time."
Bert and Bob hopped out of their bacon smelling cart and scrambled into the ice cream shop. They came out a few minutes later with seven scoops of ice cream piled onto the new chocolate flavoured waffle cones and they skipped into their cart. The door slammed and the cart sped off.
"Oi Bob!" Yelled Bert.
"We've got mail! I've accepted a new job!"
Bert ripped a note out of an envelope and waved it in front of Bob's face.
Dear mister Bert, we have just received your answer and
you are now the new delivery maid. As you should already
know, you will have to wear a red cape as it is our work
Logo. Your first delivery will be 14/9/14 - (tomorrow) and
we expect you to be fully equipt and ready by our doorstep
by 10am. Each delivery service will get you a full $3.00 -
about $85.00 a month.
"My job starts tomorrow!" Bert announced.
The next morning Bert and Bob arrived at Mr. Shoplifter's doorstep with matching extra extra extra extra extra large red capes. Bert was sweating.
"Few, Bob!" Panted Bert.
"These capes are REALLY tight!"
Bob growled in agreement.
"Aaagh. You are 'ere!" Mr. Shoplifter exclaimed.
Bert looked up and smiled uncertainly.
"Vell. Zere you go!" Mr. Shoplifter dumped a huge basket into Bert's arms.
"Zoze beeg bonez ov yourz vill ve very uzevull in zis job!"
Bert glowed with pleasure. Hardly anyone praises Bert about his size.
"Vell. Zee you later!" Mr. Shoplifter drawled.
"NO. NO WAY!" Bert yelled.
Bert was staring into a forest. There was a fancy letterbox with a shiny gold number on it. Bert looked onto his piece of paper. 7. He looked at the letterbox. 7. He took a deep breath. He held it.
Bert stepped into the forest. Step. Step. Step. His breath was shallow and raspy. He was almost there... Woo woo woo WOOOOOOOOO! Bert and Bob slowly rotated round. They were looking into the eyes of a ferocious wolf with frothy saliver dripping beneath his pointed fangs.
"Meat." He growled.
Bert and Bob waddled around to face the entrance of the forest.
"Run!" Yelled Bert.
Bert and Bob hadn't even gone forward two steps before the wolf caught up.
"I is only haunting fat people like you!!" The wolf screamed.
"I isn't haunting fit people!" He howled
"Don't expect me to forget!"
Bert sunk into the drivers seat. "Bob, we are getting fit." He declared.
PWEEEEEP. Lap number one. PWEEEP. Lap number two. "Keep going Bob!" Bert yelled.
Bob waddled around the acorn tree a third time and collapsed onto the ground breathing loudly.
"Ookay. This isn't working is it?" Bert asked.
He heard whining from the ground. Bert sighed impatiently. "I thought so."
He watched his fat dog roll on the ground.
"Bob, I think we are going to have to cut down on the junk food"
THREE YEARS LATER..........
"Want a banana Bob?"
A medium sized man emerged from the kitchen. He weighed 75 Kilograms and his favourite food was nectarines.
His dog raced into the kitchen. He weighed 5 kilograms and he likes having walks around the park. Since they had met the wolf, Bob and Bert have turned into two very fit guys.
The solo level I have reached for surface features is relational because I had a lot of full stops and speech marks in my writing.
The solo level I reached for my narrative is relational because I had a lot of ideas in my story.
My next step is to add more important characters.